on the third day she woke up and there was shitty techno in her head like she was 17. it was 1999 and she realized that no one was coming for her only she’s nearly 30 now and she KNOWS no one is coming for her. on the third day she woke up and she had no gods and no one was coming for her and a headache and she sat down. she hung herself on the third day because for years and years she realized she had been waiting and no one was coming. no one was coming.
August 2011
Unknown (via shion-noelle)
Oh wow, this.
everyone and everything right now is almost unbearable to me, i just cannot give anything, i cannot stand this friction, the fucking pettiness, just even the idea of trying to make peace with people who are fucking with me i just have, no more water, i am sick and sick and frightened and just want to be comforted, i am in so much psychological pain i keep forgetting nearly everything who the fuck i am what i was doing at that moment.
im still disintegrating. sometimes i think it will help if i hold still and then everything comes through my body roaring. i’m so exhausted i will pass out for a few minutes and then come to shaking a bit and i am laughing at things that go through my head like how i hate when people say ‘i hate seeing you like this’ because the answer is “really? then let me take your fucking eyes” or “if you think its hard to watch try it from inside of my body. here take my fucking body in fact, i give you this shit thing.”
it’s like, blowing my mind as a black cherokee tchakta woman. that everyone is still fighting me for this.
The moral case against the Cherokees is straightforward. As a duly constituted nation in the nineteenth century, they legally embraced and promoted African slavery, a position they maintained after Removal to Indian Territory in the 1830s. The vast majority of Cherokees could not afford slaves, as was also the case throughout the American South, and historians of Cherokee slavery have demonstrated that some aspects of the Cherokee social world gave a different, less negative character to being enslaved by wealthy Cherokees rather than wealthy whites. Make no mistake, though. No one is on record as having volunteered to become a Cherokee slave. History records plenty of Cherokee slaves attempting to escape to freedom, as well as Cherokee slave revolts.
The institution of slavery was for Cherokees, as it has been for all people who practice it, morally and politically corruptive, and many citizens of this Native slaving nation knew it. Stories like that of the children of Shoeboots and Doll, a Cherokee slaveowner and his black concubine/wife, whose father risked his reputation as a war hero in petitioning for their recognition as Cherokees provides a picture of this ambiguity, but the cruelty, sexual violence, and physical degradation of modern slavery under Cherokees like James Vann is just as unambiguous (both are captured magnificently by University of Michigan scholar Tiya Miles in her 2005 book Ties that Bind: The Story of an Afro-Cherokee Family in Slavery and Freedom).
The Cherokee Nation officially emancipated all slaves in 1863. The 1866 treaty that subsequently enfranchised these former slaves resulted in an amendment to the Cherokee Constitution that same year. That amendment reads: “All native born Cherokees, all Indians, and whites legally members of the Nation by adoption, and all freedmen who have been liberated by voluntary act of their former owners or by law, as well as free colored persons who were in the country at the commencement of the rebellion, and are now residents therein, or who may return within six months from the 19th day of July, 1866, and their descendants, who reside within the limits of the Cherokee Nation, shall be taken and deemed to be, citizens of the Cherokee Nation.” All of this was as a moral victory for those Cherokees who understood that institutionalizing slavery created moral implications that could only be addressed on moral grounds. That is, formal slaves need not just freedom, but also the protection of citizenship. How else, after all, can those who have lost so much expect to gain their lives without a context in which they can rebuild their lives?
More, though, is going on here, which is the sometimes heart-stopping recognition on the part of leaders of a slave-owning nation that many of those slaves who are so easy to think of as being THEM are in fact US. To be blunt, a history of modern slavery is also a history of rape. To be a slave among the Cherokees was to be sexually available to those who controlled your life. By the 1890s, a legal distinction between the Freedmen and those who were Cherokee “by blood” emerged, but in the moral universe such a distinction was hard to make, and even today the claim of those in the Cherokee majority who say they are primarily interested in maintaining their nation for those who can verify that they have Cherokee lineage rings hollow alongside the murky history of violence that Cherokee slaves and their descendants have inhabited. Such claims fail to rise to the level of those earlier Cherokees who understood that the tragic absurdity of reconciling a nation to its history of slavery requires wisdom and compassion, not insulting and ridiculous appeals to faulty membership requirements and the poses of victimhood.
YES! This is my main point! That people are talking about Freedmen as if we’re some separate, less-than group separate from “Real Indians.” But we ARE you! We don’t even have to talk about enrollment! I personally want NO PARTS of your tribal membership. But how bout Native folks just try TALKING TO FREEDMEN AS FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS. I’ve read from Cherokees who’ve never even TALKED to a single Freedman descendant about this issue yet still say it’s just about money or whatever other bullshit stereotype. Seriously, Step 1: Respect Black people as human beings. From what I’ve seen on tumblr, some of y’all still got a looooong ways to go before you reach that step.
i love how my roommate won’t help me ‘cause she is this old ass libra and libras are MONSTERS. thus says virgo.
Shocking News, Not All Ingredients Are Available To Everyone! (via thirdw0rld)
This brings up quite a few issues. Everyone should be required to take Sociology classes.
(via highwaysunset)
i love it when people are like “your abandonment is worse than a greeting.”
Peter Deunov
(via elige)
this is one of the most totalitarian statements i have ever heard.
(via digitalpidgin)
it reminds me of that one Futurama movie where the thing from the other dimension voiced by David Cross tentacles everyone and they become his complacent drones. Maybe that should be your new image for liquefactionism.
(via davidwpritchard)
my life is pretty ridiculously fucked right now. i do not know who i can depend on and i feel like any help i could get is reliant upon me maintaining this fucking mask that is interesting and stable when i have been crying since i woke up this morning and have been shitting blood for 2 days because that is how fucked my life is right now. i am a single mother in a city that is nominally progressive but is functionally mostly white and very racist. i have to go out into this cold fucking place full of people with so much privilege they think that it isn’t problematic how they marginalize people who lack even just a little of it and find a place to live by the end of september. i have no job and no fucking money.i was in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship that ended suddenly late in the spring and have just been bleeding out mostly since then, have moved, i’ve been in bad fucking health in one way or another most of the summer, and now my ‘roommate’ (or over-fucking-privileged boomer asshole) said her therapist told her she needed to live by herself,so everyone who is renting from her has to be out by the end of the month. the father of my child is a wonder of white privilege and irresponsibility and is having too much fun being ‘homeless’ to take his two computer science degrees and get a job and a place to live so that just maybe, maybe he can help out raising his child. i am so fucking skint right now i cannot even do the thing i do for money which is buy clothes on consignment and flip them. people have helped me but in general it seems like they require more than i have to give me the little fucking bit of assistance that i get from them. i am shitting blood and i do not want to go to the doctor anymore because i am sick of not being loved enough. i just want some fucking patience and kindness and a moment to breathe and to feel safe in some part of my life. i need to be held. i need to be held. i need to be held. i need to be fucked. i need to be loved. i cannot hold this center much longer, i am disintegrating inside and out. i want to write and read and love and study.i want a better life for my daughter. i do not deserve this she does not deserve this.
Yes. Yes, perhaps.” —
Jacques Derrida (via ghostorballoon)
(via davidwpritchard)